As we all know, Summer Camp is the greatest place on earth.
We’d all be much happier if we could spend 2 months in the ‘real world’ and 10 months at camp, rather than the other way around.
But…just how much better is Summer Camp life to real life?
1. Real Life Office vs. Summer Camp Office
Real Life Office: “I am so bored. I’m not even working!”
Summer Camp Office: Best. Office. Ever.
There is nothing fun about working in an office. Who enjoys doing admin, listening to Jan from HR drone on about her boring children or staring at spreadsheets? NO-ONE, that’s who.But…what if your office was outside and doing your job resulted in a lovely sun tan? This is the sort of office that only Summer Camp can provide.
2. Real Life Name vs. Summer Camp Name
Real Life Name: Oh hello…I’m John. I have a generic name.
Summer Camp Name: “I LOVE my new Camp name. NEVER stop using it!”
When you were born, your parents gave you a name. You had absolutely no say in this. No-one asked you what you wanted to be called…and now you’re stuck with being called Kate, Dave or Louise UNTIL YOU DIE. What if you could take back some power. What if…you could rename yourself!! At camp, you can reinvent yourself. You want to be called Flipper? Go for it! You like the name Emperor? Well, you’re in luck…at camp you CAN call yourself Emperor! Just don’t expect any of your home friends to play along. They’ll think that you’re an idiot.
3. Real Life Laundry vs. Summer Camp Laundry
Real Life Laundry: Ahhh…the smell of meadows and kittens.
Summer Camp Laundry: “I’m sure this used to fit!”
Who needs clothes that smell clean? Who needs clothes that fit properly? You’re at camp! You’re in the outdoors! Embrace nature! Do birds complain if their feathers don’t smell like fabric softener? Have you ever seen a Bear complain that its paws are looking a bit grubby? Of course you haven’t. Embrace the fact that your clothes may come back from the laundry with weird marks on them, smelling slightly burnt or 8 sizes smaller. It’s all part of camp life!
4. Real Life Rain vs. Summer Camp Rain
Real Life Rain: Dull. Miserable. Moist.
Summer Camp Rain: WE ARE HAVING THE TIME OF OUR LIVES!!
Rain is the WORST. There is nothing more soul destroying than getting all soggy. At camp, rain isn’t something to be feared, it’s another way of making fun! Who doesn’t love a game of Mud Football…or seeing who can do the longest Mud Slide?
5. Real Life Popularity vs. Summer Camp Popularity
Real Life Popularity: Oohh…look at you with your 2000 Facebook friends!
Summer Camp Popularity: …and this is why we do what we do.
Facebook friends are not like Pokemon. You do not have to collect them all. Honestly…how many of your Facebook ‘friends’ are actually your friends…and how many are a collection of randoms who you might have met once + now occasionally stalk their photos? Although you can assess your popularity in this way…surely it’s better to be popular with 1 camper, knowing that your actions have made their summer unforgettable.
6. Real Life Gaga vs. Summer Camp GaGa
Real Life Gaga: HEY EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME! I’M BEING WACKY AGAIN!
Summer Camp GaGa: The GaGa Court…where Summer Camp heroes are born.
Lady GaGa hasn’t been relevant since about 2009. Nowadays, she’s reduced to wearing increasingly silly clothes in an attempt to get noticed. GaGa at Summer Camp doesn’t have the same identity crisis. GaGa remains the same. GaGa is timeless.
7. Real Life Shower vs. Summer Camp Shower
Real Life Shower: Yup…seems about right.
Summer Camp Shower: Get in. Get slightly damp. Get out.
Nobody like a stinky camper. This is why you give up your lengthy showers to make sure your campers don’t smell like a wet dog. At camp, you will master the art of getting lots done in a very short amount of time. Incredibly, it is possible to wake up, dress yourself and get through the bathroom in less than 5 minutes.
8. Real Life Broomstick vs. Summer Camp Broomstick
Real Life Broomstick: Chores are not awesome.
Summer Camp Broomstick: I’m a motherflippin WIZARD!!
At camp, seemingly ordinary items can take on a life of their own. At camp, brooms are not used for boring chores. Your broom turns into your very own Nimbus 2000, ready to take down those pesky Chasers from Cabin 5.
9. Real Life Necessities vs. Summer Camp Necessities
Real Life Necessities: Keys: Check. Wallet: Check. Phone: Check.
Summer Camp Necessities: Nalgene: Check. Sunscreen: Check
Keys, Phone and Wallet. Have you EVER left home without these 3 things? Probably not. These 3 things show that you are officially a grown up, with actual responsibilities. At camp, your needs are more basic. Keys? Pointless. Wallet? No need. Phone? Don’t be silly. All you need is a bit of water and some sunscreen.
10. Real Life Makeup vs. Summer Camp Makeup
Real Life Makeup: I CANNOT leave the house without 3 hours of intense facechanging!
Summer Camp Makeup: Does mud count as makeup?
Be honest. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? If you need to be at work/Uni for 9am, you’ll probably get up at 3am to start getting ready. At camp, NO-ONE wears makeup, so as well as looking fresh-faced, you will get to have a bit of a lie-in every morning…despite having to get up at 7am.
11. Real Life Packing vs. Summer Camp Packing
Real Life Packing: This is what you need for a 1 week holiday.
Summer Camp Packing: This is what you need for 3 months at camp.
Your needs at camp are pretty basic. So long as you own shorts, t-shirts and shoes, you have everything you need. If you do forget anything, head to Wal-Mart where you can buy EVERYTHING. Quite simply, if it’s not in Wal-Mart, it doesn’t exist.
12. Real Life Fashion vs. Summer Camp Fashion
Real Life Fashion: What a beautifully groomed couple. They’ve obviously never worked at camp.
Summer Camp Fashion: Tie-Dye EVERYWHERE! It’s like a rainbow has vomited!!
Why spend thousands of pounds on new clothes when you can spend your entire summer wearing tie-dye? Alternatively, head to a Thrift Store where you can buy ONEMILLION t-shirts for $1.
13. Real Life Mail vs. Summer Camp Mail
Real Life Mail: Bill. Junkmail. Bill. Letter from the bank you never read. Bill. Student loan statement. Bill.
Summer Camp Mail: Care Package!! Letter from home!! Intricately decorated envelope from your favourite camper!!
There is something thrillingly retro about receiving an actual letter that someone has written. If you’re lucky, you may even get a care package…the Holy Grail of mail. What will you get? Cadbury Chocolate? Marmite? Digestives? Salad Cream? Summer Camp mail is SO much better than the endless stream of misery that is usually stuffed through your letterbox.
14. Real Life Social Interaction vs. Summer Camp Social Interaction
Real Life Social Interaction: SHUT UP GUYS…I’m Tweeting about this amazing moment. #bestfriends
Summer Camp Social Interaction: There is no such thing as personal space at camp!
Are you reading this on your phone? Are you currently ignoring your friends? STOP IT!! PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE!! TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS!! Summer Camp actively encourages the lost art of conversation, getting to actually know people, rather than judging them by their profile pic.
15. Real Life War vs. Summer Camp (Colour) War
Real Life War: In war, there are no winners, only losers.
Summer Camp (Colour) War: NOTHING can beat the intensity of Colour War.
War is bad. Colour War is AMAZING!!
16. Real Life Mealtimes vs. Summer Camp Mealtimes
Real Life Mealtimes: Can you pass the salt please?
Summer Camp Mealtimes: LOUD NOISES!! LOTS OF LOUD NOISES!!
There is no such thing as a quiet mealtime at camp. Chants, songs, announcements and stacking games will become perfectly normal and you’ll want to interrupt family mealtimes, trying to get your Nan to ‘JUMP SHAKE YOUR BOOTY…JUMP JUMP SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!’
17. Real Life Relationship vs. Summer Camp Relationship
Real Life Relationship: Oh hey…let’s watch a movie while I position the popcorn over my crotch.
Summer Camp Relationship: If you like someone at their worst…just imagine seeing them at their best!
There is something beautifully old-fashioned about Summer Camp relationships. Rather than banging up against your crush in a bar then Snapchatting rude pictures, relationships at camp grow through meaningful glances, stolen moments, passing notes and attempting to orchestrate time together. Plus, after a few weeks at camp, you’ll start wearing your Camp Goggles and EVERYONE will look attractive!
18. Real Life Food Groups vs. Summer Camp Food Groups
Real Life Food Groups: Mmmmmmm…vegetables.
Summer Camp Food Groups: S’mores for breakfast. S’mores for lunch. S’mores for dinner. S’mores for supper.
In real life, your basic food groups consist of protein, vegetables, fruit, dairy and grain. At camp, your basic food groups consist of S’mores, Bug Juice, Grilled Cheese, Mud and PB&J.
19. Real Life Staff Training vs. Summer Camp Staff Training
Real Life Staff Training: “…and here’s a 45 minute video on how to pick up a box correctly…”
Summer Camp Staff Training: An integral part of Camp Counselor training is to find out who will win at Bear, Fish, Mosquito.
In real life, you do not learn a MILLION Circle Games during staff training. In real life, you’d be instantly dismissed if you tried to initiate a ‘repeat after me’ song during staff training. In real life, staff training doesn’t involve laughing ALL day long. To summarise, real life staff training is rubbish.
20. Real Life TV vs. Summer Camp TV
Real Life TV: There are too many things to watch!!!
Real Life TV: There are too many things to watch!!!
Summer Camp TV: TV?? What’s that? Sounds rubbish.
Telly? At Camp? Pfft. You’ll be so busy having real-life fun that you won’t care who has died in Game of Thrones. **SPOILER ALERT** EVERYONE DIES!!
21. Real Life Camping vs. Summer Camp Camping
Real Life Camping: Camping is the WORST!!
Summer Camp Camping: Stars. Campfires. Songs. Ghost Stories. S’mores.
We can all agree that there is nothing fun about camping. Assuming you can actually get your tent up, who wants to spend a cold night in a damp tent, being forced to degrade yourself by pissing into a metal bucket? At Summer Camp, spending the night under the stars seems altogether more appealing. The stars. The campfire. The sounds of the night. Someone will undoubtedly bring out an acoustic guitar. It’s camping as you expect it to be…and you don’t have to wake up to the sound of your Dad taking a MASSIVE piss into a bucket.